To Travel by Plane

To travel by plane. That thing you will have to do “If you wanna go far away in this life”.

There are people scared of flying and don't even want to talk about it. Some of them could never take a plane for this reason. But there is also people who say they love it... I say that it's just not possible! One thing is that you don't hate it or that you are not scared of it, but to love it? You are flying at I-have-no-idea-how-many feet, in a metal device, which weighs a few tons. One goes there “Packt like sardines in a crushd tin box”, not able to move during the journey, not able to find a comfortable position and if there is turbulence it's not exactly a party. If you travel first class, with the champagne and the caviar served by Mister Alfred, then I have to shut up, but if you travel like most of the mortals... There is no way you love it.

If you are not used to travel by plane it's normal that it catches your attention and that you like it the first few times. Or if it has been a while since you last took a plane, you can even miss it. But if you are one of those who are always travelling by plane, you get really SSSICK, with three “S”.

There are a few hatreds that we all share:

-The line to check-in. If it's “Happy Hour” or “Happy Day”, you can perfectly spend more than an hour waiting in the line. That if you are lucky.

-To take off the boots to pass the control. And sometimes the regular shoes too. Inspection of little holes in the socks before leaving the house, please.

-Opening and closing the suitcase the whole ducking day. Cause you have to take your laptop out in the control, to put your little bag inside in the boarding line and to take it out again once inside the plane. (Resounding applause to those companies who let you carry a small bag outside your hand-luggage)

-To get the middle seat. If it's already difficult to find a comfortable position in any seat, to have to sit in the middle is just the worst. You have absolutely no advantage. It's like a cruel punishment for not paying the extra money to pick a seat.

-Squashing. From the front, from behind and from both sides. Just like that.

-Takeoff. Headache, clogged ears or dizziness. Take your pick.

-To go to the toilet. The bigger advantage of the aisle seat, totally freedom to go everywhere whenever you want. If you are sat in any other seat, there is always somebody you have to bother. If you have a little problem in your trip that makes you go to the toilet every 10 minutes it's going to be hilarious.

-Turbulence. Sometimes you can see people praying. And it's just not the fact that it can be really scary, the problem is all the tottering. Once I was about to eat a yogurt and when I opened it I threw it all over my seatmate. I think that was my most embarrassing moment on a place. Surely the guy got a nice memory too.

-The kid crying like there is no tomorrow during the whole trip. It's not his parents's fault and it's not the kid's fault, but you are suffering like it it's your fault.

-Landing. Headache, slipping out of the seat or dizziness. Take your pick.

-Everybody up. Probably what I hate the most. I can't stand when people get up in the moment the plane lands, just to spend another hour waiting there for the door to open. Maybe there are free lollipops for the first 20 people who get out of the plane. I'm always the last one to get out so I didn't solve the mystery yet. I'll keep you updated.

-The eternal wait to take the suitcase. And you get to the conveyor belt and wait. After half an hour it finally starts to move. Luggage and luggage and luggage and you don't see your suitcase. Of course! It's the last one to show up (if it didn't get lost). Flight: an hour and a half. Get out to the airport: 2 hours and 15 minutes.

Now well, I have to recognize that there are a few pleasures and joys in travelling by plane as well:

-Flight attendants's choreography. Nobody pays attention anymore though. I always think that the day something actually happens no one is going to remember anything and it's going to be a “the last one is a rotten egg”; but it's always fun to watch how they perform the initial choreography. I miss them a lot when I travel in one of those planes with the little computer in front off you that explains everything.

-The courtesy snack. If it's a really long trip, you know that the food is included in your ticket, but in normal flights of 2 or 3 hours duration normally you don't expect anything. When they pass offering those little crackers or the famous peanuts your face just go illuminated. Is it for me?, is it for free!? It's the excitement of the day.

-Window seat. Awful if you wanna go to the toilet, that's right, but the best one to find a comfortable position. I think I only could sleep a little bit in those flights where I was sitting on the window seat. And, of course, the view is amazing.

-The empty seat. An empty seat by your side is comparable to get 2 surprises in your cereal box. Some space in a plane, God! (tears)

-My luggage is the first one to show up. I can't believe it, in the moment that the conveyor belt starts to move I SEE MY SUITCASE!

Little hatreds and silly joys, sure, but they are always there no matter how use to fly you are. It's not that I hate to fly, but more than once I really wanted to shoot myself.

Although, no matter what happens, I can't help wondering: Why is always me the one who has to beep in the damn control?

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